Getting off staff

Anyway back to deck program in Sydney in 1982. We were kept for 6 weeks writing our OWs and doing mest work.   Our project was to paint the new AO quarters which was being established on the 3rd floor of the Sydney org (around 1982).   
It was an interesting time,  I sort of enjoyed the mest work.  I also got some auditing from Peter Sparshot who was also on the program at the time before he got declared. He was the best auditor I had in my scientology career including Flag Class 9s Followed closely by Joyce Tidy a SHSBC grad from the 60s.   There was something about those people from that era.  True ARC and caring for the person in front of them.  At Flag later, always felt like a bit of a hindrance to the auditors who wanted to get you out the door quickly and get the next guy into session asap. 
The decks program was being run by the two CMO missionaries, after various people either got handled to go back on staff, or into the newly convened OSA or to be declared if they would not continue on staff. As the numbers whittled down I got through the program and was looking to go home.   I advised that I wanted to leave staff,  but was told that I would have to stay and write up more OWs,  I then originated that I would like to be an auditor.  But this wasn’t allowed either and I was encouraged to return to the org as the HAS. I was not considered suitable to go into OSA  cause I was probably too tainted. A young girl without any real history got the local org DSA position, which she promptly crashed and burned in.   In hindsight it was good that I did not get this post as it would no doubt have been more of the same.  I did not want to do be the HAS of the org either and very much dreaded having to go back on staff, but there seemed no other alternative, so I agreed and headed off home. 
The lure of going home to some semblance of normality was always a real pull for me and I would agree to almost anything to escape the duress of the upper org scene.  This was obviously not sensible or survival for me, but I did it anyway just to get away and out of there. 
So I arrive back in the org all BIs  and really not wanting to be there I blew off post and took the odd day off from time to time.  I also demoted myself from the HAS post to become DirCom, and spent a day or two giving people com stations.   At least that was something I could do. 
After I got back from Sydney from my handling on the decks, the AO opened and as I had made my APs I was allowed some time off post to go and do my OT levels.  My performance on post was not really that wonderful, and the FOLO actually wanted me back to do another decks program.  But the AO tech staff seemed to save me from this fate and I got onto SOLO 2 and then OTs 1 2 and 3. This was early 1983.
I didn’t quite know what to make of OT1 which was a sort of objective process at that time.   Anyhow, got some acceptable cognition and went on to 2.   This was an interesting ride.  I audited on it for about 10 days or so. Had three or so sessions where I ended with a floating TA.  Don’t quite know what happened, but the needle jumped all over the place and I felt pretty good for a while.   After a week or so break I was allowed to go onto OT 3.   Remember reading the pack in the OT 3 course room.  Don’t know whether I was non-plussed or what.  It was just what it was and I had not particular expectations.  Anyhow I trained on it, and went off to audit.  
After a few days I ran into lots of trouble in my sessions. TA would go up through the roof and the sessions would just bog down irrevocably.   After about two weeks of this, there didn’t seem to be too much more to do and I went to attest.   
So there I was, an OT.   Remember the status of it more than any actual gained state or ability. I did think that my space was quieter after OT 3.  However one night at home I was listening to music thinking how I felt pretty good at this level when the world seem to crash in around me and all the case came back again. 
Later, I went off to do OT 4.  This time I got caught up in ethics and confessed I had been falsifying the QSH stat.  So I was banished to the FOLO to do an ethics handling and the dreaded decks program again.  
A word on recruitment of staff and how I got busted for the false QSH.   There was of course heavy pressure to get the stats up with calls from FOLO a couple of times a day to “product officer” us outer org minions into frenzied production. 
I had a pretty persuasive recruiter, Wendy Hjorliefson who would take people off the test line and sign them up on 2.5 or 5 year contracts.  She would often get two or three people a week on this ruse.  Absolutely green, no concept of scientology or what they were signing up for.  Of course they hung around for a few days, woke up and promptly disappeared forever.   But we managed to record some sort of a stat. There was probably something about losing QSH if the person blew, and this was probably not what was reported quite as accurately as it might have been.  So down I went again.  However, the stupidity of the staff recruiting push and the constant need for the stat, not the real stable potentially useful staff member who might have actually wanted to be there after having some gains from auditing or training was staggering.   In reality during the period I was HAS ,the org got more destabilised and we lost staff.  This was part of the long downward trend Ad org began in the early 80s to the current day where there are probably half a dozen die hards still hanging on.
Anyway, there I was in the FOLO writing up my OWs with some other unfortunate outer org staff member sitting in a room while all the crew were out having a meal.  There was no one around to guard us and I had no inclination to stay and do more decks.  So I simply walked out.  I did leave a note saying that I was a shit, and that I was going home.  And I went back to Adelaide and back onto post.   There was some minor effort to get me back to FOLO to finish my ethics action, but as my stats were up again they didn’t push this too much and I got away with it.
A few months later, I tried again to get on OT 4,  This time I was good enough to get my elig and I did the level.  Huge disappointment and anticlimax.  Really, just an intensive of OT drug rundown with the charged being run on Inc 1 and 2.   It was all very unreal to me.  Anyhow, I attested  and wandered off home. 
Went through more ups and downs.  I was coming to the end of my 2.5 year contract (having done a 5 before that)  I was determined to get off staff and resume some normal life in terms of earning ability – having a holiday and the occasional public holiday off etc while continuing on the bridge as a public scientologist. 
Anyhow, I did manage to navigate out of the org having completed 2 staff contracts.   The final few weeks of my last contract were eventful.  The ED of the org at the time Wendy Hjorliefson (my former recruiter) who had been to Flag for OEC FEBC training and was the only suitably trained person after the regular ED (Sue Simes) got transferred or busted or something,  got really cross with me and told me to get out of the org cause I was being difficult to get on with..  Wendy was really only a young kid, and a little person 4’10” whereas I was 10 years her senior, and at 6’2” , so she didn’t manage to have much “altitude” for me and I kept coming in to work so I could finish my contract which only had a month or two to run   I went into mimeo and did that post for a while.  While she would come in and yell at me and try and make me leave. I told her she could not just order me out of the org and that she would have to convene a Com Ev to have me leave staff.  She had no answer to this and I hung around.  I also worked in the printing area running off the org mag. This was fun learning how to use the ancient printing press  and folding all those bits of paper for our large cf.   About 1500 people of whom there were about 300 previously trained ad processed people.   And about a 10th of those active at any one time.  Notwithstanding these numbers we always declared there were 5000 scientologists in Adelaide. 
So I finally completed the staff experience without being declared, having attained some case status (OT 4) (think I also got some FPRD in that lot too ). Despite Sea org missionaires grilling me for hours and trying to persuade me to re-sign, I managed to resist and I completed the contract.   Though I completed, I stayed at the org working as a volunteer for while, though not coming in at 8.30am.  I was called back into my old post area, now OSA, to do some project to do with legalities and registration of corporate entities or some such after the previous local OSA person was removed from post.   But I didn’t do much on this and  managed to get some real work in my professional field  and was able to quietly slip away from the org for good.

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